Stressed/ frustrated/ sad/ tired/ bored/ unmotivated/ lonely.
Fuck YES, I have lost 2 more pounds in the last week and a half. I know two pounds isn’t a lot or even noticeable, but it’s a reminder that what I’m doing is working and not to give up! I’m now only 15 pounds from my initial goal weight. Hopefully once I get down to my goal weight then the strength training will be even more noticeable!
I want to wake up on the floor underneath my Grandma’s pull-out couch. I want her heart-shaped waffles with blueberry syrup. I want to spend hours diving into the pool and picking raspberries. Exploring in the corn field and finding baby mice, begging to keep them. I want my Dad to pull his Bobcat out to the front yard and hook the rope up to it so we can swing over the edge of the hill. I want to play in the snow for hours in the giant banks that he makes from plowing. I want hot chocolate ready when I come inside. I want to feel like I have all these things to look forward to. A whole life. Excited for high school, to drive, to graduate, to move. But all of that has already passed and I’m still laying in my bed in this town alone. The only difference is that now I don’t see too much to look forward to.
I was very productive today. Got up early (thanks to Lucy), ate a good breakfast, went to the gym for two hours and upgraded my membership so I can tan and bring a guest, got Zach and I coffee, went to class, got Jenna a Valentine’s Day card, got myself a new dress, ordered the other half of Jenna’s gift, hung out with my Pup. Oh, and I’ve officially lost ten pounds since October! I know if I had been more consistent and didn’t stray from a healthy diet I could have lost more by now, but I’m still very pleased. Hopefully I can lose another 10-15 more by June!
